25 years ago today, I was 20, almost a year married, and so very young...
I was also giving birth for the very first time to this young soldier...
Last year on this day, (His 24th birthday), he went off to boot camp. I couldn't bring him, his Dad did. It was a very heavy heart day for me. I had spent over 20 years mothering my first born son. Benjamin. And now, he was entering a world that was beyond my reach of being his mom. I couldn't be there for him if he needed. Couldn't help him feel better if he was sick. Couldn't comfort and encourage him when he was struggling. But in all of that. In all a mother goes through when she is walking in the very last steps of releasing her child from childhood, God was faithful. He was there.
He reminded me of the reality that I already knew. Ben belongs to Him. Always has, always will. Ben has been a sweet gift from God that I never could have imagined in my wildest dreams of being blessed with. But God did. He knew before the beginning of time that Benjamin would be our first born son. Sweet, kind hearted, gentle, smart, (boy is that guy smart), curious, helpful, hard working, strong ... Benjamin is the best oldest brother to his siblings that anyone could ask or hope for. I've always told our peeps that God didn't just randomly place them in their birth order without purpose. They are where they are, for His purpose. His plan. And also for our family. Each of our children have always been taught the precious gift of where they are to the other sibling, in the birth order. Some of them have more responsibility then the others. God of course, knew what He was doing, putting Ben at the beginning.
25 years ago today, when I held my precious first born son, when I looked into his beautiful little blue eyes, (just like his dads), I NEVER imagined we would be raising a soldier. But God did. He knew.
He knew Ben would be a Lego building, gentle spirited, kind hearted, intelligent, helpful, boy, who took care of his siblings, and sometimes mom when dad was at work. He would be strong, and reliable. Always reliable.
He would love and know Jesus, and grow, into a soldier. A soldier in the United States Army. A soldier like those who have gone before him, and those he serves our country with now, giving all. All. Taking care of his family, and yours. Taking care of our country.
I didn't know. I didn't know. But God did. He knew that today, 25 years later, my mothers heart would be so heavy for my first born son. My eyes would be crying all day. And my spirit would be so very, very, proud. Proud beyond words.
God also knew that He would comfort my heart by reminding me that He is ALWAYS with Ben. Our son. Blue Eyes, Mine, and Gods. He will never leave Ben or forsake him. He will and is with him at every point in this journey Ben takes. No matter where it takes him. Talking to him. Helping him. Always there with him.
So although today is a heavy heart day for this mom, God is so good. He will comfort me with my strong, loving Blue Eyes. Who knows what I'm feeling without my speaking a word. He will comfort me with Mattie, Zack and Kate. They will hug on me over and over, let me cry on their shoulders, and tell me, " He'll be alright mom. Really. " They carry my heavy heart with them today. How blessed am I !!!
And God is with Ben. Always with Ben.
Maybe Ben is going to share Jesus with just one person. One person is worth it. Ben would agree, I'm sure.
Its all good, and I am so very, very, grateful.
Hugs from Maine