18 years ago, about this time, I stood, 3 months pregnant with our 3rd son, holding hands with my 6 siblings, around our mothers bed. In the hospital. As she slipped away. We prayed. Her 3 month battle with cancer was over, and we, her 7 children were sad and relieved.
It's hard to see someone you love suffer. Be in pain. Lose their spirit as they lose weight, and themselves, each day.
You might think I'm sad tonight. I'm not. I haven't had my mom for 18 years. And through the loss of her, when it hurt so badly that I thought I couldn't breathe... God had a way to comfort my heart. He, was able to comfort my heart. Each day that went by, each month that passed, every year that added on to the one before... God would comfort my heart.
A daughter never stops missing her mum. I haven't. I can't. She was my mum. I still remember her laugh. I hear her voice. I smell her hair. I feel her hand next mine as we would till the earth around the stone, at the cemetery, every year to plant flowers for Memorial Day.
She's been gone 18 years. 18 years today. But I see her smile on my daughters 14 year old face. Katelyn has my mums mouth. My mum was private, and kept most things to herself. Katelyn, does the same.
There are days in the years my mum has been gone, that I miss her more then most. When my feelings are hurt. When Ben left for the Army. When Matthew ran away from home and was gone for months. When Blue Eyes and I had rough times in our marriage. When my Sweet Baby Girl, (Katelyn Mary, named after my mum), went to her first dance, on her first date. When our oldest brother died, two years ago, Her first born.
When I'm struggling with life and trying to figure out which way to go.
Those are the times I miss my mum. Really miss my mum.
But I have Katelyn, my sisters, my brothers, and memories. I am blessed to see my mum in Katelyns smile, my sisters gentle hands, the way I love and care for my family.
And the assurance that one day, I will be with my mum again.
God has a way of comforting a grieving heart.
Its all good, and I am grateful.
Hugs from Maine